Time Will Tell from Bill to Will
by xoDocJanFxo
Summary: Set against early stories in TNG, explores how Bill the boyfriend became Will the friend.
1. Time Will Tell 1

**Title: **Time Will Tell (1/3)  
**Rating**: G  
**Fandom/Characters: **ST:TNG, Riker/Troi

**Summary**: What was Deanna doing after graduation and before the Enterprise?

Author's Note: This assumes that the position of Ship's Counsellor was still very new when the Enterprise was being built. A far as the TNG TV series is concerned this seems to be true…however thanks to Tim Ryberg who discovered a reference to "Ship's Counsellors" being around for about 40 years at the time of_ Relics_ in the Star Trek Encyclopaedia and the Chronology. Hence this may not be canon but, what the hey!, I enjoyed writing it. Hopefully this is a prelude to stories exploring how Bill the ex-boyfriend became Will the close friend and frustrated lover.

* * *

Deanna Troi had always been a rather unique individual, something that she had come to realise and cherish from an early age. Her birthright as a daughter of the Fifth House, her limited telepathic skills as a child, her powerful empathic skills as a teenager, her decision to renounce that same heritage and leave her home on Betazed for Starfleet… all had marked her as different from her peers. Even her studies at the Academy had been different. Yes she had gone through the physical training (just…), passed the required crossover courses…but she had been frustrated at the career paths open to her even within Starfleet. Anthropology was interesting but meant that she left behind those skills of a trained therapist she had honed whilst on Betazed, desk jobs in recruitment were similarly unappealing because of their lack of fieldwork. All in all not what she had hoped for as she had left the security of home for an "exciting" new life.

Deanna had exchanged her frustration for action when writing her graduate thesis. As it happened, her subject, "An Examination of the Role of Trained Psychologists in Starfleet and Suggestions for their Further Utilisation" had coincided with the initiation of Command's own pilot project in this area. Upon graduation she had been assigned to one of the first "trial runs" of being a "travelling psychologist" (Starfleet had yet to name the position formally) – a ship following up on the explorations of some of the pioneering deep-space craft. Her skills both in helping with a First Contact situation and in assisting a crewman distraught over news from home had been most appreciated. For Deanna, it was wonderful to feel so useful. All her years of hard work and study were made worthwhile by the heart-felt "thank yous" of the Ensign and their Captain.

Although brief (a three-month tour of duty) at the completion of her mission Deanna had been promoted to full Lieutenant. Her mentor, Commander Richards – a kindly human who had supervised her thesis, spoke of skills beyond her years as he presented her with her new pips.

"It will be good to have you back at HQ, Deanna your experience on that mission will be valuable to us."

"Back at HQ? I thought I'd be sent out again. Surely you will need more information about the practical possibilities of 'travelling psychologists'." Now that she had had a taste of true Starship life, Deanna was loath to give it up.

"No, no Lieutenant Troi. We need you here to help flesh out the ins and outs of the new position. You're far too valuable to us on the Team to let you go to one crew and one crew only."

Deanna had accepted her posting with all the good grace she could. Sometimes, though, as she had sat through yet another discussion on "Ship's Psychologist versus Ship's Therapist" ("Who could believe that even naming the position could have such importance?" she thought wryly to herself) she longed to get back to a place where she was actually helping individuals on a day to day basis.

The discussions continued and she found herself more and more often playing mediator between the various factions in HQ, or even more frustratingly, between the esoteric civilian advisors and the hard-headed brass. Would those in the new positions be under the Medical chain of command or work independently? Should they have similar powers over psychologically unfit crewmen as the CMO did over medically unfit crew, or should they refer to the CMO? Primarily First Contact Specialists or crew therapists? Which ships needed them? All ships? Ships of a certain size? Ships on certain missions?

It had been so frustrating, but her hard work paid off as the role of "Ship's Counsellor" (the term accepted by Starfleet) began to take shape. The problem was now finding qualified people to take on this role. While there were many qualified psychologists in Starfleet they were mostly settled souls with little field experience working in recruitment or rehabilitation. Those attached to anthropology teams were also less likely to be able to take on the therapeutic aspect of the Counsellor's envisaged role. Several new ships were in the pipeline and established ships were about to leave on extended missions – the Brass wished them to depart with Counsellors aboard. Finding suitable candidates had been left to Commander Richards and his team.

The group swung into action once more – this time on a fully-fledged recruitment drive. There were applications from psychologists on Starbases, field Specialists from Star-ships – even from a chaplain at one Outpost. The numbers with all round experience were, at the end of the day, painfully small.

Those who did qualify were summoned to Earth for formal interviews and simulations. Deanna again played an important part in the evaluations, sometimes of those whom, on paper at least, were far more qualified than she. A few were accepted – about twenty or so – but many were not.

Deanna had been selected to help train those who had got through the recruitment phase. At first she had been overawed at the thought of tackling those superior to herself, however she told herself (in her best imitation of her mother's voice) "You are a Daughter of the Fifth House of Betazed. That makes you as good as anyone in there." So buoyed she would walk in and begin another briefing.

Time passed and the first "graduates" were assigned to various ships as they left on missions to all parts of the Quadrant. There were the typical problems encountered when such a radical change took place in a Starship's ordered environment. Crew were afraid to seek the help of the Counsellors lest it appear unfavourably on their Service Record, Bridge officers refused to include the new crew on Away teams and the Counsellors themselves sometimes found themselves traumatised by their experiences in the field. Deanna was occasionally allowed on brief First Contact encounters and was often occupied debriefing those who she had helped train. Basically, though, she remained desk-bound.

Occasionally when the paperwork was not able to hold her full attention her mind would start to wander to home…her mother…and Bill. It had been months now since she had heard from him, their communications becoming less and less frequent. After that first letter from him "delaying" their rendezvous on Risa nearly two years ago the First Officer of the Hood's letters were no longer the highlight they had once been. Each one seemed to be permeated with the coldness of space and each reply Deanna sent hardened her resolve to never be hurt like that again.

She still cried, sometimes. Earth could be a lonely place… so many people distrusted her once they knew of her Betazoid heritage, not really believing that she could not read their minds. Occasionally she found her self looking skywards and wondering where Bill was, was he in danger, was he happy, had he found someone else ("Of **course** he has found someone else", she admonished herself, "and its high time you did too"). The curse of their relationship had been how well she had understood him. When they had been together Deanna had been able to silence any nagging doubts over his devotion to her as opposed to his devotion to his career. Now she knew that he did love her, just not enough to forgo that life-long dream. Deanna also knew that she could never allow herself to play second fiddle to a Starship. It was best they had parted when they had. But still...she missed him.

It was during one of these contemplations as she stood out on her balcony that her door announcer rang. Certain it was her next door neighbour popping in to borrow this or that, and grateful for any human company Deanna forced cheer in her voice:

"Come on in, I'll be with you in a moment."

She could hear the sound of her door swishing open as she made sure she was presentable as she turned to enter the flat she was surprised to find Commander Richards looking fit to burst. He was radiating excitement as if there was no tomorrow. Excitement and happiness.

"Great news Deanna! I couldn't wait till tomorrow"

'Oh no', thought Deanna, 'I'm not even safe here any more'. Masking that thought with a smile, verbally Deanna greeted her commander with

"Welcome sir. Tell me all about it."

The great news was that a new ship, the new Flagship, no less, was to have a Counsellor stationed aboard. Word had just come through from HQ - keen for ideas as to the facilities required.

"It will be a huge job Deanna. Over a thousand people, including children, long missions and diplomatic duties. The Counsellor will be on the Bridge as well as working in an office."

"It certainly sounds interesting sir." Deanna was frowning inside ('Argh…more interviews, more courses…I wonder who we can find for this one?')

She was surprised to find her CO's smile widening even further. "I think you'll find it more than interesting Deanna, working on the pride of Starfleet."

"I'm sure it will be a challenge helping you find someone to fill the position." Deanna replied, politely.

"Find someone? What do you mean find someone? I've found them."

"You have sir? Then why do you need…my…" Deanna's voice trailed off as it slowly dawned on her what Richards had meant. "You don't mean …me?"

"I'm going to miss you Deanna. Why do you think I've kept you with me these last couple of months? Surely you realised that there were those less competent than you getting placements? The Flagship needs the best Starfleet has to offer…you're that person."

Deanna was overwhelmed…she reacted the best way she knew how…she hugged her CO, laughing and crying at the same time.

"Thank you, oh, thank you."

Richards hugged her back, he was genuinely fond of his protégé – it was good to see her so happy. More often than not she seemed far more serious than was good for a young woman. He stepped back.

"One more thing. This position carries with it a promotion. How does Lieutenant Commander Troi sound?"

Deanna gathered herself together again. "It sounds just wonderful sir."

****/\*****/\****

Now she was aboard the Enterprise. The Captain, gruff as he seemed, projected an air of confidence that she found settling. She was also pleased to note that he was more than ready to use her skills. Her bridge training had also been useful as the ship headed to Farpoint Station to pick up the remaining crew.

…The remaining crew…

...Bill…

Deanna wondered if she would have accepted the position if she had known who the First Officer was to be. She should have known, she supposed, that William T. Riker would have been amongst the candidates given his outstanding service record. The fact that he was the First Officer, knowing his skill and his drive, should have come as no surprise.

Bill would not have given up the job of his dreams, correction **had** not given up the job of his dreams, to avoid her. He obviously felt they could work together. Why should she, Deanna, be the one to again make the sacrifices? She had worked just as hard in her own way to get her job. A job she had dreamt of since graduation, a job she had helped shape and become reality. Only one thing marred her determination, one thought that kept rising to the surface over and over:

What would it be like serving with the man who had broken her heart?

Would they be strangers? Would they be friends? Could things even go back…no Deanna! Don't you dare even think it. He hurt you once and he won't have changed…

She was here now. She would make the best of things.

Only time would tell the rest.

The End


	2. The Farpoint Encounter Time Will Tell 2

**Title: **The Farpoint Encounter (Time Will Tell 2/3)  
**Rating**: PG  
**Fandom/Characters: **ST:TNG, Riker/Troi  
**Summary**: How did Will and Deanna react to their first encounter on the Enterprise together?

Summary: Author's Note: This is set immediately after the episode "Encounter at Farpoint", the first episode of TNG –in which Will and Deanna were brought back together again for the first time in two years. It is a further installment in the "From Bill to Will" series.

**The Farpoint Encounter**

"Damn Bill Riker to hell".

Lieutenant Commander Deanna Troi, praised in ship's logs by Captain Picard for her help in the solution of the Farpoint mystery, was feeling anything but pleased with her performance on the mission. Of course Bill, sorry, _Commander _Riker, would tell her to not watch out for him, as she had as he readied himself to plunge off into the old Bandi city whilst under attack. What had she been thinking?

"If you should be hurt!"

Did she really say that? In front of Yar and LaForge and Data? Where had it come from? She had spent two long years telling herself to get on with her life. Was she really so weak that as soon as she saw Bill she fell to pieces? Was that the reason he had not come for her on Risa? Had he been afraid that she would hold him back with her concerns for his safety? Stop him from being the man he was destined to be?

It was all so hard. Scenes from the past twenty-four hours of her life kept replaying over and over in her mind. Even her best meditations practised since childhood were not enough to keep them from surfacing. A hurt that she had long thought healed was ripped open and bleeding freely.

*****/\**********/\*****************

Deanna had packed her bags and made some sort of peace with her mother. She would meet Bill on Risa where they would plan the wedding that would make them "family". Married she would join him on his Starship…use her Academy training as a mission specialist or as an assistant to the medical staff. Something could be arranged. Their love was so strong. It could conquer anything.

Conquer anything but themselves…

Had she been surprised? No…his message had been filled with such hope.

"Deanna,

My imzadi,

I have wonderful news.

You know how we talked about the Potemkin together? Well…I have been promoted to First Officer of the Hood. It's what I've wanted since I was a young boy…First Officer is almost so close to Captain I can almost feel those four pips on my shoulder!

The only disappointment is that our plans for Risa will have to be delayed. The Hood is setting off for a long tour of duty and I'm not sure when I will be back. When I am I'll head straight to you and we'll pick up where we left off at the Janaran Falls.

I love you

Your Bill"

If only things had been so simple. His messages had become further and further apart – not just in time but in distance between them as well. Deanna had at first been able to excuse him to herself…"It's his new duties. Once he'll settle in there will be a better letter." But the next "better" letter never came. Sensing his withdrawal her letters had also become colder. Certainty was replaced with uncertainty. Each letter was inspected and re-inspected for signs of their cooling relationship. Gradually it became clear that, imzadi or not, Bill had moved on and would not be coming back. It was time to stop waiting and start living for herself.

Deanna launched herself into her life – trying new things and looking for focus. No longer was she going to be Lwaxana Troi's available daughter. She was not going to be Bill Riker's jilted almost -fiancée. Deanna Troi looked for, and found, a strength within herself to be herself…and relished her new-found life.

She now looked at her career in Starfleet. Yes, she had joined Starfleet as a way to get out from her mother's suffocating influence. Lwaxana could hardly reasonably argue Deanna following in her father's footsteps (unreasonably, though, had taken many hours of telepathic shouting and pouting on both sides). Deanna had not originally thought much of what she would do once she had finished at the Academy. Her graduate studies on Betazed had led her to qualifications as a practicing psychologist, however the father's love of exploration had been passed through to the daughter. Deanna wanted to explore the galaxy.

Hence her involvement in the development of the role of Ship's Counsellor and her subsequent posting to the Enterprise-D. Hence her current predicament.

*************/\******************

"Troi. He never called me Troi in my life. Is that what I am now? Just Troi?"

"Oh why did I project to him? What did I expect? That he would fall apart with guilt right in front of me? Break down on the Bridge?"

"He hasn't changed…his eyes are still blue, still so expressive."

"The bastard dumps me and then acts like nothing happened. Was that all we were together? Nothing?"

"Why couldn't I have listened to mother and stayed at home?"

That thought, out of the thousand a second that were crossing her mind, brought the tirade of self-recrimination to an abrupt halt.

"Stayed at home? No, Deanna! You will not let anyone do this to you! You're better than that! After all you've worked for, after all you've achieved you would even think of running home to mother to have her marry you off and start breeding? You deserve better than that. If he wants to play it cool, fine. You've tried. His feelings have obviously changed. So have yours, really. You are both going to be working on the same ship. You'd better get used to it."

So resolved, having cried almost as many tears as the night she realised Bill was not coming back to her, Deanna lapsed into a sound sleep.

***************/\********************

William T. Riker sat in his quarters listening to some soft blues, sipping on syntheholic whiskey that seemed to burn just the right amount – cause just that edge of pain that matched his mood.

It had been a good start on the Enterprise, all in all. He had handled the manual docking, almost as much to his surprise as anyone else's'. The Farpoint anomalies had turned out well. He and the Captain seemed to have a promising relationship.

So why did he feel so lousy?

"Don't lie to yourself Will, you know why."

It was Deanna. For two long years he had told himself he was over her. After all, it had only lasted a while, got a bit intense towards the end. Hell, it had been so intense it had frightened him. Yes he knew he still occasionally dreamt of her… her voice, her touch, her ability to be with him as no woman had been before or since. Yes, sometimes he wondered what would have happened if he could have made it to Risa all that time ago. Yes, he could still hear her voice in his head, the two of them one with joy and purpose…

"Shut up Will. You've changed. "

"No-one calls you Bill any more? Noticed that? When did the ladies stop calling you Bill? That's right..she was the last one. So long ago. Just a graduate student then…now she's made Lieutenant Commander almost faster than you did. She hold you back? It might have been the other way around…"

"She's changed."

"But maybe she still cares?"

"Think about what that would have done to your career. The moment you were in danger she went to pieces…trying to hold you back. You never would have left the Potemkin if she'd made it aboard."

"She's not used to this, this working together... did you see how well she relates to the others on the bridge? Guess what, you're not used to it either, are you, buddy boy? Look how the Captain used her abilities to figure things out. Did you? Could you have done the same? And what did you do the moment she felt that creature's pain? Did you stay where you were and stick to your resolve of two teams? Trust LaForge and Yar to look after her? No… you were by her side as soon as you heard her suffering. Couldn't stay away, could you?"

"By the way buddy, that Troi thing…neat maneouvre, last name basis only…make sure she knew you were keeping the distance. Telepathic links or not"

"You can still hear her. Wasn't it great to hear her? Her voice is so beautiful…"

"She called me Imzadi."

"Ohhhhhhh."

Will picked up another synthehol and downed it quickly, relishing the harshness. He became more mellow as it took on its desired effect, quieting the conversation between the warring parts of his subconscious. Only one thought remained…

"Imzadi."


	3. Time Will Tell 3

**Title: **Avoiding Temptation  
**Rating**: PG  
**Fandom/Characters: **ST:TNG, Riker/Troi  
**Summary**: Set immediately after "The Naked Now" . How did Deanna and Bill react to their reunion? How did Bill the ex-boyfriend become Will the friend?

Author's Note: Part Three in my series "Time Will Tell", other installments are "Time Will Tell' and "The Farpoint Encounter".

The Starship _Enterprise_ had delivered its report on the _Tsiolovsky_ to Starfleet Command. Once again the _Enterprise_ had been endangered and then saved, this time with not so much a physical as an emotional aftermath. Nearly all the crew had found the incident rather disquieting and some members had found it downright disturbing. An intoxicant, created by the gravity of a collapsing star, had affected the crew by removing normal inhibitions. Many people's subconscious wishes had manifested themselves and been acted on in a variety of ways. Ship's Counsellor Deanna Troi, previously held in suspicion by many of the crew for her Betazoid heritage, found her office never empty.

There were people who had found themselves with the most unlikely (or so they now thought) bedmates, those who had discovered long forgotten ambitions and those who had actually harmed themselves or others and now had to live with the consequences. Deanna herself had been affected fairly early in the course of the "infection" (she still didn't really understand the ins and outs of it) and had found the emotions of the crew overwhelming.

Deanna was also having to deal with her own actions whilst under the influence. Once she had become badly affected by the leaked feelings of her ship-mates she could have taken herself to sickbay. Instead she had sought out Bill to protect her. Was that her overwhelming desire? To be protected by Bill? In the two weeks since he had boarded the ship she had convinced herself that she no longer cared and, more importantly, that he no longer cared. Her subconscious didn't seem to have drawn the same conclusion.

Two weeks. Two weeks and a mystery intoxicant was all it had taken to almost break down her resolve to never embarrass herself in front of Bill Riker again.

Settling in on the _Enterprise_ had not been that difficult. Both the First Officer and Ship's Counsellor had been extremely busy. Riker had been familiarising himself with the Galaxy-class ship from top to bottom. He was getting to know the different Department Heads, learning the ship's strengths and weaknesses. It was not an easy task but one that only shoe leather and enthusiasm could accomplish.

Deanna Troi had not been idle, either. She was meeting the crew, slowly earning their trust and beginning counselling sessions with those that had ongoing problems from other ships, other missions. She had begun to liaise with the new Chief Medical Officer, a woman with whom she believed she might one day be firm friends.

Deanna had also had extensive discussions with the Captain about her uniform. She had rarely been involved in therapy sessions in Uniform before but had been unsurprised at the barrier it had created between her and her clients. When she went into a counselling session Deanna didn't want the crew feeling that they were there for evaluation by a Senior Officer, instead an atmosphere of comfort and safety was all-important. Initially she had tried to wear her official uniform on the bridge and a more relaxed uniform style off the Command deck – unfortunately she also found herself spending almost as much time changing some days as getting her work done. She had been pleasantly surprised to find that the Captain had allowed her the grace of her semi-official uniform on the bridge.

Keeping busy had been an advantage. Deanna was still hurt over Riker's initial coolness and returned it with a wall of her own. She knew that they would have to talk eventually – both of them would need to liaise extensively over personnel matters. It was just a matter of deferring the inevitable.

Then that damned intoxicant struck. It had been disconcerting for Deanna, finding first of all that her shields seemed to be failing her and then being awash in that sea of raw emotion that even humans moderated with their intellect. She had looked for solid ground and had found it in Bill's arms. His familiar thought patterns and concern had washed over her as he picked her up to carry her to sickbay, even as she had begun to lose consciousness a joyful thought surged through her…

"He still cares."

Will Riker had been surprised at the intensity of his own response to Deanna. Yes, there were plenty of other attractive women on the ship, a few he had even set up tentative dates with – but when that intoxicant had begun to overwhelm him it was Deanna he wished to turn to.

"Be honest with yourself, Will. You wanted her even before that thing got into your system."

It was true. When Deanna had stumbled into his arms complaining of the voices he had almost wept with fear. A deadly intoxicant for which no cure had been found. After being reunited after all that time was he to lose her now?

Of course Dr Crusher had managed to cure their ill. Wesley had saved the ship from the stellar fragment. Now it was time to deal with what had gone before.

The Captain's admonishment still rang in their ears

"I put it to you all. I think we should end up with a fine crew…if we avoid temptation…"

"Deanna…" Riker sounded out of breath as if he had been jogging along the corridor on the deck that housed both their quarters.

She turned to face him, not quite sure what to expect. They had shared a small smile on the bridge after the Captain's statement but Deanna had carefully been keeping her distance since.

"Yes, Commander."

Will was taken aback. He knew he had started the formality – by calling her "Troi" instead of by her rank or by her first name - he just hadn't realised it might spill over after a mission.

"You used to call me Bill, remember?"

"I'm sorry. I wasn't sure how you wanted me to address you in public. You seem to call me Troi, and I'm not comfortable calling you just "Riker", Commander."

She said the words, but couldn't meet his gaze. She was confused, afraid. Afraid of what she might see in his eyes, more afraid of what might not be there.

It was a pity she didn't look, for Will's famed poker face was nowhere to be found. Naked concern for her was etched into his expression.

"Deanna, I'm sorry. We didn't start off again on the right foot. Can't we catch up? Get to know each other again?"

Still she could not meet his eyes.

"I suppose so. Perhaps in Ten-Forward. We could start on the official crew evaluations."

It wasn't quite everything Will was hoping for, but it was a start.

"I'll meet you there, then. 1930."

"1930". This time she did look up and she almost smiled.

Ten-Forward was busy, as expected. Deanna had got there early. She had carefully left her hair up and her uniform on. She hoped to create the very barrier she usually sought to disintegrate. Unsure of herself, Deanna was unwilling to let her guard down.

Will, in contrast, had dressed in the fashion he knew she found most appealing. The loose blue tunic over tight-fitting pants was in a similar style to that which he had worn during their courtship. When getting dressed he had admitted to himself that he did want Deanna to still care… he knew now that in the intervening years he had suppressed his feelings, that they had never truly gone away. Now that they were on the same ship perhaps an old mistake could be corrected…maybe they hadn't met on the _Potemkin_ for a reason, but now they were to be together for quite some time.

He found her sitting in a corner, still in uniform. She obviously didn't realise how good that skant looked on her, showing off her shapely legs. He quietly observed the intent look on her face as she scanned the reports. Everything looked as though she expected nothing more than a professional meeting. Obviously things were not going to be as easy as he had hoped.

"Deanna."

"William."

He almost laughed at that, she had not called him William since they had first met at the Federation embassy on Betazed all those years ago.

"Actually, my friends call me Will, now. Captain DeSoto started it and I kind of liked it. I hadn't been called it since I was a kid."

Deanna looked slightly more warmly towards him after that revelation.

"Will, then."

"So – how have you been?" Will almost kicked himself with the inanity of the question, fortunately Deanna was not out for blood.

"I've been well. Here and there, mainly involved in recruiting for the Counselling Service." She sipped her drink.

"I read all about it. On your record, I mean. You've done some excellent work. It was no fluke that they assigned you to the _Enterprise_." Will paused. "You've certainly made an impression in Starfleet Command."

They began to relax and discuss career and Command, a conversation that had flowed on to their shipmates and back again to past experiences. Eventually the manner of Will's promotion to the First Officer of the _Hood_ came up.

"You know, Deanna, I never really believed when I wrote that letter that you wouldn't be joining me eventually."

She looked at him in disbelief

"Oh Bill you thought no such thing. Be honest with yourself. You had to make a decision between your career and me and you made it. I am not saying it was easy, but it became very clear I would never be a priority while your career was."

It was his turn to look surprised:

"You knew? I never wanted it to turn out that way between us, I hoped that one day we could be together. Then as time went on your letters became more distant, you seemed so settled in your career – one day your letter came in the midst of a battle, I kept putting off replying till I felt more ready to write. Then time dragged on and I still hadn't written. I didn't have that much to say."

This revelation made the tears well in Deanna's eyes, it was one thing to suspect how the distance had grown, it was another entirely to hear him confirm it. Seeing the brown eyes he loved filling with moisture Will realised that he had hurt her once again. Hoping to comfort her he gently moved around the table and took her in his arms, grateful for her discretion in choosing an out-of-the way spot.

His arms felt good, so warm and so strong. To know that he had cared, that it really hadn't just been a fling to him had taken away a great burden Deanna hadn't even known she was carrying. She could feel his concern as she opened her empathic senses to him.

"Oh Deanna, we're together now. Maybe we could try again."

That brought her up short. One evening of reconciliation wasn't enough to convince her of his sincerity.

"This evening has been going so well, I think it shows we can build on this relationship, as friends."

He couldn't hide the disappointment he felt.

"Just as friends? Why not more?"

Deanna's tears threatened to flow again, but her determination dominated instead:

"Have things really changed? What if you were offered a Captaincy tomorrow, would you take it? Bill, I mean, Will… just because we are on the same ship doesn't mean we should be together. What if it didn't turn out well this time?"

Will looked hurt… he had hoped for a warmer reception to his idea.

"We're professionals, we could cope. If not – one of us could leave."

"And which one would that be? I've worked hard for this position, just as hard in my own way as you have for yours. I'm not willing to sacrifice that."

"Why would it have to be either of us? Imzadi…I loved you."

"And I loved you…but I think that whilever we serve on the same ship we should just remain friends."

"But it's because we're on the same ship that we can try again."

"I don't agree and I think the Captain would disagree, too."

"The Captain? What would he have to do with it?" Will's puzzlement was genuine; it was rare that the Captain would step into such a relationship.

"You heard what he said on the bridge…about avoiding temptation."

"I don't think he meant us specifically."

"Well, even so. We both have a lot of new responsibilities, new things to learn. The stress of a non-platonic relationship could only add to that. Let's just nurture this friendship."

Will knew he was backed into a corner from which he couldn't escape. Deanna really did know him too well. Honestly he did wonder how being involved with her again might affect his performance… he already knew that her very presence and his concern for her altered his actions on that first mission. Besides it was her right to question him – he had left her, after all. Maybe, given time, they might get back together. It was obviously just too soon.

"All right Deanna. Whatever you say. I guess only time will tell the rest."

The End


	4. More than Anything

**Title: **More Than Anything  
**Rating**: PG

Word Count: 1500ish  
**Fandom/Characters: **ST:TNG, Riker/Troi  
**Summary**: A "fill in the blanks" for _Haven - Set during the first season episode "Haven" during which Deanna Troi becomes set to fulfill a childhood arrangement of marriage._

**More Than Anything**

Deanna was getting married and there was nothing Will Riker could do about it. A message box had arrived from Pacifica announcing the time had come for her to fulfil her parents' childhood arrangement for marriage. Will had done nothing but think about missed opportunities.

Years ago he had made the decision that more than anything he wanted to be a Starship captain. At the time he hadn't really had to confront that decision head on. He'd simply failed to turn up on Risa and he and Deanna had drifted apart from that point on. Now he was losing her all over again and his resolve was wavering.

Deanna was going to marry a man to whom she'd been betrothed as a child rather than wait for him. Deanna was going to marry a stranger rather than wait for him. Deanna was going to marry and she wasn't waiting for him! Why? Because she believed:

"More than anything you want to be a Starship Captain."

Now he didn't really know what he wanted.

Deanna sat in her quarters wondering what on Earth she was being pushed into. She was only just starting to find her equilibrium with Bill-Will and now other ghosts of the past were coming to haunt her.

Deanna had only a few vague recollections of the betrothal ceremony that had taken place when she was tiny. She could remember her father's misgivings, her mother's insistence, a little boy that she had built mud pies with but who couldn't be persuaded to wear a cowboy hat… just a few scattered images considering the importance of that day. Growing up she had basically ignored the bonding commitment. She couldn't really believe that her mother would force her into a loveless marriage when the time came, nor could she believe that there would be any objections on Wyatt Miller's part were she to have found her own partner. There was also always the chance he would have found his own wife, too.

Now it was time to make a decision. She had a duty as a daughter of the Fifth House. She also knew that arranged marriages resulted in very happy matches in both Earth and Betazoid culture.

In Starfleet she'd achieved more than most people her age. She was a Lieutenant Commander. She was counsellor on board the flagship. She'd travelled, met new races and explored places most people only dreamed of. Maybe it was time to settle down.

It wasn't as if she was adverse to the idea of marriage. Romantic that she was, life-long love and companionship were appealing ideas. For all she knew Wyatt could be her true soul mate. At least he would probably love her more than his career.

His career… that was the real rub. Will Riker was still handsome, still charming, still the man she had fallen in love with all those years ago. But that was the problem, wasn't it? He was still the same man. The same man who had put his career in front of her love… their love.. for she knew, even now, that he had loved her the best he could. They'd been on the same ship now for months and after an amazingly shaky start they'd started to rebuild their relationship into something special. A special friendship at her insistence as she couldn't bear being hurt by him again. She wasn't brave enough to risk her heart again lest Will smash it.

It was time to move on. Leave Starfleet behind. Leave the Enterprise behind. Leave Will behind. Walk into a future with a new love.

He'd been disappointed. Deanna had been open to his emotions and had found that Wyatt's first reaction to her had been disappointment. So much for moving on with a new love!

He was cute though, in a puppy doggish kind of way. A doctor – a healer – obviously a man who cared for others. Something to build on. Once he was over his initial disappointment it was obvious that they were in fact, well suited.

Their similarities were remarkable – affectionate father, overbearing mother. Both in people professions. Both a bit bemused and excited by the adventure ahead of them. If it hadn't been for their respective mothers Wyatt and Deanna could have really looked forward to their wedding.

They spent one glorious evening on the holodeck sitting on a recreation of one of Betazed's more beautiful beaches. Deanna had chosen it as a place that she and Will had never been, a place for a new beginning. They had talked and talked and when it had grown late Wyatt had seen her to her quarters and kissed her in a way that made her spirit soar. Not since Will had… she had to stop comparing Wyatt with Will! Will was the past, Wyatt the future. It was time to put the past behind her.

It was the hardest forty-eight hours of Will Riker's life. As First Officer it was his duty to facilitate the wedding, as a man he felt as though he was facilitating his own life-long misery. Initially he had hoped Deanna would come to her senses – she was a grown woman who knew her own mind too well to slavishly follow an ancient custom. Now as the plans progressed and he saw Deanna and Wyatt growing closer and closer he could see that Deanna was once again slipping through his fingers.

The engagement dinner had been the final straw. Deanna and Wyatt looking so happy and excited, Lwaxana Troi and Victoria Miller squabbling and that infernal gong! Each ring was like a chime of doom. It was possible that he could have excused himself in a more diplomatic fashion but right now he didn't care.

He had fled to the holodeck, to an environment as barren as he felt. What could he do? He still couldn't honestly promise Deanna that he could put her in front of everything else and always be there for her no matter what. But Deanna deserved no less than someone who was willing to commit to her, heart and soul. He loved her but he knew from bitter experience that love just wasn't enough.

She walked in to the holodeck and was as beautiful as he'd ever seen her. She knew, too. She knew him too well for him to be able to lie. She knew how much his career meant to him. She knew how much she meant to him. She knew how deep his inner conflict went. Will wondered if that was why she had gone to Wyatt? Wyatt represented stability and security when all Will could offer was a chance in the future.

Then Wyatt had arrived full of life and excitement and he knew he'd lost her. Not even the empty desert adequately reflected the desolation in his soul.

Wyatt had said goodnight so sweetly; Deanna's apprehension was melting away. After all they'd both had disappointments in the past few days. Wyatt had faced the reality that his future wife wasn't the girl he had dreamed of since he was small. She had Will who still couldn't commit to her more than his dream of Captaincy of a starship. The bond she was developing with Wyatt was more than that of disaffected lovers joining together… she was truly becoming more and more fond of him.

Then Wyatt had left her. As soon as he had seen his dream girl he had obviously known what he should do. Wyatt had transported across to the Tarellian plague ship and found the woman he had drawn and dreamed of since he was tiny. His soul mate.

Deanna couldn't begrudge him. Wyatt had had the courage to follow his heart. He'd left behind his career, his home and his family all in one huge leap of faith.

Once she had been ready to give everything in her life away to follow her heart. She hoped Ariane treated Wyatt better than Will had treated her. It was some consolation to know Wyatt thought she was beautiful!

She was saddened… Wyatt had been a wonderful companion but his heart was elsewhere. If she was completely honest with herself, though, she knew she was also relieved. If she had married Wyatt no matter how happy they were she always might have wondered what might have been. Now she was going to find out.

Time had passed and Deanna's sadness was lifting. Her friendship with Will was back to its pleasant equilibrium. The whole episode had somehow put up a barrier, though. Deanna knew that her caution in keeping their relationship strictly platonic was probably best for her. Will knew that no matter how much he wanted their relationship to progress he would have to one day face the reality that he might have to once again choose between Deanna and his career. Until he could convince himself that Deanna was the most important he knew it wasn't fair to try and pursue her more aggressively.

They knew each loved the other. They knew they might yet go their separate ways. It was easier to leave things in a comfortable limbo than to push the other too hard. They had already had two second chances. Being the bold optimists they were it would be hard to believe there wouldn't be more.

The End


End file.
